A Belated Update

I've been putting off writing for a while. I have a lot to say but just haven't felt like getting it out there. So much is going on and has happened since my last post. Here are the Cole's Notes in point form:

• The kitten that I never wanted has been relocated. To a new home. A home that really truly wants him. A home with another kitten his age to play with. My anxiety and stress vanished the morning he was picked up and taken away. All is well with the animal world again.
• The nursery is finally put together and ready to be the most amazing bedroom for our kidlet.
• Aforementioned kidlet is scheduled to arrive in approximately 33 days. Give or take a week or two. Everyone around me suspects I will be early. I am as ready as I will ever be.... kidlet can arrive any time now. 
• I am contemplating getting a doula for assistance during labour. The only thing holding me back is the cost. We truly can't afford it. We don't necessarily need one, but it would be nice for a non-medical person to be there, who can help Husband out with helping me out - especially when it comes to pain management. 
• I also really want a birth photographer to document the labour. Another extraneous request of mine that we also cannot afford. Perhaps I will just keep a polaroid camera by my bedside and hope that the shots turn out... 
• Christmas was spent with my family this year. It was a smashing success. I even had a reasonably cordial time around my step-mother. 
• I got to see all of my besties during the holiday break; it was so nice to catch up with them all. I miss my special ladies. I get to see them maybe once a year, but it's always as if it was just yesterday that we last saw each other. 
• I don't know if its the pregnancy hormones, or if i am truly getting better, but I have not had a dark episode in a very. long. time. Even if I try to conjure up what those feelings felt like, they seem so foreign, so distant. That makes me happy. I hope it lasts. I hope this is not just a calm before the storm. Postpartum Depression was my BIGGEST fear when I found out I was pregnant. It still is. But I know I have the support around me to help with it. Fingers crossed I can conquer the potential demons. Fingers crossed they don't even try to come out of their box.
• Naming this kid is going to be really interesting. We have a name picked out for a boy, but girl names are SUPER HARD to agree on. Husband does not like boy names for girls, or even gender neutral names for girls. Fingers crossed it's a boy so that we won\t have to Rock, Paper, Scissors over a girl name....
• Last night the dog met our kids' BFF (my best local friend had a baby in October and she brought him over for a visit). Dog was super good being around a baby, and although was a little concerned when he started to fuss, she did not freak out or get nervous. This is a HUGE step for her as she has never really seen or smelled a baby before, and we really had no idea how she would react to one. It makes me happy to know that she will be a loving and calm protector to our kid, and that she will be just fine with adjusting to the new addition. 

That is all.

Will keep you posted as to when this kidlet makes its debut!

Where I Am Told I Am Disgusting

We received a cat through no actual want on our part.
I was transporting a kitten from it's home (a co-workers' cat had kittens) to the neighbour of a former friend who wanted a cat. The day I brought it home for her, she decided that she would rather have an SPCA cat, and had conveniently got one from the SPCA that day. That SAME day. Without telling me. Or apologizing. And I happened to be going overseas for three weeks, two days later. But that's another story.
So we are stuck. With this cat. The cat from hell.
I generally don't mind cats. I grew up with them. I've had more than one at a time, on several occasions.
But I have never had a cat (until now) that has been such a terrorizing little fuck. I have tolerated the clawing of couch, the jumping on counters, the guerrilla warfare attacks, and the tormenting of the other cat, but this cat does not comprehend any calm behaviour. It MUST go in every open cupboard, every open closet, every open bag, every open drawer. It MUST sneak into every room as soon as the door is open. It MUST climb my legs and body (clothed or not) to swat at any necklace or drawstring I am wearing. It MUST jump onto the highest spot in the room, and knock into everything in its path. It MUST chew on any exposed electrical cord or paper/books/documents in sight. I could go on...
My patience has (understandably) worn thin.
I am seven months pregnant, and I can barely muster enough composure to hold my stress in about that  (I have had no significant crazy outbursts as of yet!), and there is no leftover tolerance for this cat.
And so I air my expletive grievances to Husband about said cat. And how much I hate the cat. And how I want it gone. Like now.
Tonight I was told I am Disgusting. About how I treat said cat. About how much I hate said cat. About how I have no qualms about how I feel about said cat. He said it makes him sick to see this side of me.
I don't know how to react. Husband is entitled to his opinion, but so am I.
I do not hurt the cat. I do not light the cat on fire. I do not attempt to drown it or suffocate it or lock it in the hot dryer 'accidentally'.
I just figured I would have support behind me if I felt so strongly about something. He doesn't have to agree, but it would be nice to feel some sort of empathetic response....

On another note - anyone want a cat?

10 years and Counting

Husband and I celebrated 10 years of being together, earlier this month.
Ten. Years.
Ten Christmas's.
Ten Birthday's (each).
Ten Winters, Springs, Summers and Falls.
We started off as a one-night stand, and never let each other go. There have been so many ups and downs. After moving in together exactly one year after meeting; moving from the big city to a tiny little town; adopting a fish, a frog, 2 cats, and a dog together; combating my crazy; battling lost jobs, new jobs, toxic jobs, & every job in between; getting married in Vegas; family deaths, divorces, and marriages; travelling through Europe, BC, and all over the US;  we have shared many highlights and lowlights. Nights spent in, canoodling; spent out, partying; spent together and apart; spent abroad, spent locally, spent with friends and family. We have built so many memories in our decade together, and are about to embark on a whole new chapter with the addition of our first child next spring.
Husband is my best friend, my rock star, my soul mate.
I can't imagine my self with out him. And I never want to.
Love you bitch. Cheers to ten to the power of ten more years.
xoxo

More than 1 more hour

When I was teenage-years young, I made a decision to only live until my 30th birthday. I was convinced that, although I didn't want to live to even see my 16th or even 20th birthday, that living until I was 30 would be sufficient enough. Even last year as I turned 29, I kept thinking to myself - 'this is my last year', 'only one more year of being so. emotionally. done.' I just saw no point in moving forward, even though in the rational part of my mind I know I have so to live for.
Up until this week, I was ready. To give up. To let go. To say goodbye.
And then today. Today I met my little human (on screen). I saw it move and squirm as the ultra-sound tech tried to take her pictures and measurements. I saw it hide and do the worm and hug itself. I received confirmation that the bubbles i have been feeling in my belly are indeed my little human moving around.
Today things became a little more real.
Today confirmed my reason to continue for another 30 years.

I'm Baaack

I took some selfish time. Or rather, couldn't be bothered time. Or better yet, I didn't have the patience to post while solely using my iPhone, and hated having to log onto the ancient home computer which crashes every seven minutes.
But today that changes.
Husband treated me to an early birthday present - a new lap top.
So now I have no excuse not to exist online.
Which means you get to listen to my blatherings again.
I will let you decide whether that's a good or bad thing.

So Excite

Husband and I went to Europe in June. It was the most relaxing vacation I have ever been on, despite the fact that we Griswold'ed it through Germany's Rhine Valley & the Netherlands with my in-laws, brother-in-law, & MIL's mom on a crazy hectic on-the-move-all-the-time schedule. Spending every day for two weeks on the go from 8am-10pm was exhausting but SO. MUCH. FUN.
We saw castles and churches and museums and monuments and other crazy historical things. So much old stuff - it wow'd my mind grapes.
One of my most favorite things was how the front door on every home was so unique, with funky animal shaped doorknobs and knockers. I took over 200 pictures of doors. My plan is to create a super awesome collage. Just depends on how long my procrastination sticks around. :)
I discovered a product in Holland called Speculoos Spread. It is pureed ginger cookies, ground to the consistency of peanut butter and tastes better than anything I've ever had in my life. I became so addicted that I ended up bringing 6 jars home in my suitcase. They were empty in less than 3 weeks. Time to find a local supplier before I go into withdrawal.
The other most exciting thing that Husband & I brought back from Europe is a little creation we made in Germany. It will make its official debut on March 1, 2013. We thought it was the least we could do to say thanks to the family for bringing us along on such a fabulous trip.

Better Late Than ......

I have been thinking about how to write this post for the last month or so. I want to give you a highlight of the goings on of the last few months but I don't want to bore you or draw it out too long. So let's try some haiku, shall we? Darkness consumed me Financial ropes cut deeply Job search continued All of a sudden A sign appeared from nowhere Light brightens the gloom New job brings some cash External learning means smarts Stress level soon gone More friends are pregnant My bits still despise children Though my heart does not We hung up pictures I guess that means we're staying (can't afford to move) Eight days til Europe Through Germany and Holland We are the Griswolds That's all I can think of for now. I will check in after the trip. There is more to talk about. Like how my husband thinks I am a drug addict. Or how my friends are going through major business problems and may lose their home. Or how I had two breakdowns on the job within two months at my new job. Both in front of my new boss. Yes. I am a winner. In the meantime, I have a homework project for you: can you tell me how you would explain depression & bi-polar disorder to someone who does not believe it is 'legit'? Thanks!