the "family" christmas

Ever since my wedding i have been trying to muster up confidence to explain to my dad why i don't want to spend time with his wife. my 'chickenshitness' over rode me and although i have been able to have legitimate reasons for not coming around when invited, Christmas is something that I could not escape.

Yesterday was 'Christmas with Dad'. We went for brunch at the 'fancy hotel at the airport' - one of many fancy hotels in our city. (But the airport? Seriously?) Everyone brought a $50 gift card to throw into a hat, and then we drew for our 'gift'. I got my own. i am glad because it was a MasterCard GC so i can spend it anywhere.

but it felt more like a Christmas party for a small office.

very cold.

very reserved.

very obligatory.

what part of this says fun family gathering?

i have been fighting a cold all week so it was nice that i could use that as an excuse not to go near anyone. (i am such a brat.) It was more of an excuse to stay away from them, than it was for them to stay away from me.

But of course She had to show off how nice she can play,

pretending she gets along with everyone that isn't related to her by blood,

pretending to feign an interest in the lives she couldn't really care less about,

pretending to laugh and enjoy herself.

But I heard the comments.

The ones made under her breathe about the poor service (it was fine), and the crappy food (it was ok). I'm sure there were more, but i tend to block her as much as possible.

i miss the christmas's that were celebrated around a tree with homemade food and fun games. where we actually wanted to be there and enjoyed every one's company. but i know why we don't have those anymore: because we (ie my dad's side of the family) are not significant enough to bother being hosted at a gathering of such proportions.

you may be thinking i am bitter and jealous and ragey and am being a brat. i thought so too at first - when this cattiness all started when i was 18 and She treated me like shit yet i got the blame for having a bad attitude. I have tried to be nice; to be cordial; to ignore the insults; to have matter-of-fact comebacks; to stand up for myself. I have come to realize i am not the problem. and i am not the only one who agrees. my wedding was the final straw. i have made a decision not to be around the ones that bring me down.

and i don't expect him to choose. that is not the point of this at all.

its not about me vs. her.

its about consideration.

its about humility.

its about respect.

at least its over for this year. and i can put off being around Her for another 365 days...