it's been a few years since we caught up. filling each other in on our current lives over drinks. i had a leftover buzz from the pre-saucing i did (what can i say- money is tight rite now); his buzz was in its prime.
the party got louder.
the crowd grew larger.
holding a conversation had come down to half-shouting into each other's ear. but we made no effort to remedy this. we didn't move to a quieter spot in the venue; we didn't forgo our chat to rock out to the band on-stage; we just continued standing closer and closer together.
Then leaning up against one another. Not in a provocative way; not in a sixth-grade-30-cm- dance kind of way; just leaning side-by-side.
And then we both leaned in to say something. Something witty, something funny, something i don't even know. We both started talking; he stopped to let me go ahead.
lent me his ear so he could hear better.
he thought i wouldn't see.
he smelled my hair as i spoke. a deep breathe.
i pretended not to notice.
such a small gesture means nothing. doesn't it?
i pretended not to get giddy inside like a fucking 15 year old.
the flashback of memories read across his face like an open book.
i pretended that it didn't feel powerful to have that seduction over him.
his grin grew wider with each sip of his drink.
and it felt fucking awesome.
am sure know that if i were single we would have gone home together that night.
nothing of the sort took place. (for those keeping tabs).
we didn't even have a chance to say goodbye before going our separate ways.
i was on air all the way home though.
maybe it was the confirmation from an outside source that i still have 'it'?
maybe it was the sauce talking and the meds and my mind tricking me into building my self esteem?
maybe i was just craving attention and was looking for it anywhere i could get it?
maybe i just used really good shampoo that day....?
what i do know for sure is although flirting with my past flame is fun, those candles are now out and the matches are tossed.
i have my perma-flame candle now.
he is the only one i should seduce and flirt with.
he is all i ever need.
he is all mine.
i just wish he were home....