I lost my job.
My favorite cat ran away from home.
My husband's new-to-him truck stopped working.
And I have been feeling pretty sick lately.
I am sure a combo of the above has to do with my not feeling well. To top it off, in my own fucked up mind, every summer for the last 4(?) years my head convinces me that I am pregnant - even though I am not. Every little emotional nuance and odd cramp and slight bulge and nauseating episode and heightened sense of taste and smell and migraine and backache sends me to google to research pregnancy and other 'what-is-its'. Mostly pregnancy.
Pretty much always pregnancy.
I am not sure how I really feel about that.
I don't know if it's
- an emotional hormone-y side effect of my meds.
- or because I am getting older.
- or because my friends are having having babies.
- or of a need to feel like I am 'trying' to accomplish something by 'pretending' I want to get pregnant, so people get off my back about not wanting to have kids. Today, anyway.
Babies = so cute. I don't deny that. All of my friends' kids are adorable and sweet and I treasure them forever. And I will probably want my own in a year or two. (Cause they are such a great accessory, amIright?)
I am not ready yet. <Insert excuse here, here & here.>
So why do I feel a tiny, tinge of disappointment every time I get my period?
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