i am freshly married but husband lives 4 hours away. its for a worthy cause - to set up our life in a new town, while i finish business in our current home. i am still coming to terms.
i ended a 5-year stint at a company, which has left me quite jaded. i expected a little bit more fuss over my departure. how selfish is that... i suppose i am just looking for some validation from certain people within the company. now to start getting over it and move on...
husband came home this past weekend to spend some quality time with me. we hadn't seen each other since thanksgiving. i didn't evaluate in my own head how difficult the separation would be. we spent most of the summer apart - him working out of town - and i didn't have separation issues then. perhaps i was so preoccupied with everything i didn't have time to feel alone.
but now...
it made me really sad to see that he wanted to spend his time packing up the house; tearing apart bookcases; boxing up memories. i wasn't prepared for that. i still have two months to live here.
it made me cry inside after telling him i don' want to spend our only weekend together reminding ourselves that we are leaving and separating again. but for whatever reason i understand it's cathartic for him.
i just wish we could have spent the time holding each other and adventuring in the world instead of stirring up the dust and piling up boxes around the room.
i am so angry and nervous and closed off. i want to be ok with everything. but i cant settle the tornado's in my head. is it because i think too fast and too much so what i say has no context? if the things i do say out loud are continuously disregarded...
how can i make myself more clear?
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