we didn't get the house. we found out on Monday evening. it mattered then. but today i couldn't care less.
monday was a really hard day. i was ready to crumble and let my body cave in and have the physical breakdown that i could feel was coming. I was able to hold it off for about 24 hours, but last night ... last night.
it started when i inadvertently deleted 5 hours of work that i had been slaving over all day. I was so close to finishing my project; so close to handing it in; so close to being able to invoice for the work i had done, so i can get paid; so close to feeling like i have accomplished something in my life.
i just needed a good cry. to get those frustrations out. i dont smoke, i cant drink, so crying was the next best thing. before i knew it, husband and i were fighting over how stressful things have been lately. it got a little heated because he doesn't understand how I handle stress. and combined with my crazy, it makes an unstable situation inside of me. we bitched back and forth at each other but i think we just needed to vent. at the end we were hugging and back to our usual iloveyousomuch selves.
then i showed husband the stress test list. I scored over 450 and he scored over 500.
we need each to be strong for each other.
cause neither of us can't do this alone.
and i hope we never have to.
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