Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Pattern

My patterns are repeating. The cycles are getting faster and darker; although the 'rational' side of me knows that in 2 weeks I will feel better, my 'irrational' side feels like it's fighting a losing battle. I think about where I was this time last year, and what I vividly recall is how badly I wanted to be gone. Invisible. No longer existing. It's the same way I felt the year before, and all of the years before that.
A lot of situations are coming up and I am petrified to be a part of them. I have my own reasons though I don't think they would be acceptable to the real world. The people who don't know about my crazy, won't understand where I come from - I have trouble articulating to those who don't understand me - because they have their own ideals and expectations. I fear the judgement of my life by family. Because the expectation is the exact opposite of what I truly am.
The path I am going down is broken. This past year has made me feel like the biggest failure. Ultimate failure.
Like I said, same pattern.
The darkness surrounds and I am tired of trying to fight.

No comments:

Post a Comment